Broken Promise = Game Review (Wolfenstein RPG)

Yeah yeah, I know. I haven't posted anything in awhile. I am cool with that. LOLS. I have just been getting a case of the lay-z's now that my second semester has started. I haven't had any homework yet so I have been taking this time to party...and play video games that I have not really had time for. Thus, making it so I can create more reviews for this Video Game/nonsense blog.

Moving on, at first glance you may notice something about this post. It is not my review on bad driving. But instead, Today I am putting in my two cents about an amazing game I played for the iPod Touch (also available on any iDevice including the iDouche) and (after some google searching) available on some Cellular Phones.

WOLFENSTEIN RPG

While I was cruising through the "app market" on my iPod touch, I came across a game with a familiar title. But one thing about it threw me off. It said Wolfenstein RPG. This made me WTF so I clicked on it. Then I went to google and started doing some wicked mad research on what this game was. According to all the websites I went to, it was a pretty decent play. Of course, I downloaded it.

I instantly fell in love with it because Wolfenstein is my favorite Nazi shooter ever...don't look at me that way, Call of Duty Zombies doesn't count as a Nazi Shooter because they are Nazi Zombies. Jeez. The graphics were slightly different. But I was cool with it because the...

Gameplay

for the game was rock solid. Basically, every move you make in the game is a turn. Based off that statement, if you turn in place, you don't use a turn. Move Forward, Back, Side to Side, or make an action you use a turn. For some reason, most of your enemies are able to make an attack then side step out of the way, I never figured out if your character can do that too...but either way Oh well. To add a buff feature to the game, throughout every level there are syringes and syringe making machines where you mix colors to create different types of syringes. What the syringes do are buff your character in different ways. Such as doing 100% more damage or moving at 50% your normal speed (which I think just gave you an extra action on your attack...). You will be healing yourself A FUCKING LOT. So don't go skimpy on your Medpacks or Chocolate Num Num bars. Yes. There are items in the game called Chocolate Num Num Bars. You will also find yourself kicking the crap out of chickens in this game. Why? Because Kicking causes the chicken to go flying and doesn't use any ammo and the Chicken (once dead) turns into a one time healing item. Making everyone a winner.

What other games has Nazis and Chicken in an RPG package?

OH! I guess I should explain the way  weapons work. Like I said when you make an action, that is your turn. That can be anything from healing, Buffing, or (what I am about to talk about) attacking. When it is your turn, you choose what weapon you want to use. Some weapons work better against different enemies. After selecting your weapon, you tap the screen to use it (on the iPhone/iTouch versions). Depending on which weapon you chose, you will shoot only the number of times that weapon allows you to shoot per turn. Most of you are probably now all "wait what?" Let me give you an example to better show what I am talking about.  A Nazi guard jumps out in front of you. You have your knuckles equiped but he kicks you away. Now, obviously the knuckles are a close range weapon. So you switch to...idk...your double pistols. You tap the screen and your character shoots twice (one from each pistol). Now, same situation, except this time you use the Thompson. Unlike the Pistols, The Thompson shoots three times. If it hits each of the three times, you do more damage. Every weapon has a specific number of times it can be shot per turn and you can only target one enemy at a time (because the layout is classic Wolfenstein style).

On top of all buffs and stuff. There are also extra buffing (or in some cases, debuffing) from reading books you find throughout the game. They never really do anything good for you because by the time you find them you have killed off most of the enemies in the area, but some will give you a buff for 30 - 50 turns. The debuff ones will only last 30. Every time. The books offer nothing to the story and you can choose to not even read them. But they really don't hurt to much, so I read them all. They are usually only about a paragraph long (with the exception of the love novels) but have some funny quotes in them.

Story

If there was one, I skipped through it. The game itself was riddled with way too many jokes to take seriously. But there was some what of a story. You are an american who gets stuck behind enemy lines and basically you decide to play "We're not gonna take it" on repeat and start killing Nazis and the dark forces that they are conjuring up from hell. Or something like that.

Sounds

Did you like the sounds for Wolfenstein? Well you are going to like them for this game too. All your favorite sounds are there! Like the Handgun. Dual Handguns. Flamethrower. ETC. ETC.

Overall

I don't know if I would pay over $5 for this game. Luckily, EA and ID bumped the price down on this game, so I think at most you have to pay $1.99 which is quite a steal for this game. Mind you I probably will not be playing this again despite how much I enjoyed it just because there will be no surprises. You Wolfensteiners out there will probably play it over a few times. All and all I give this a 6.75 out of 10. (it would have been higher, but I played DOOM II RPG right after this one...let's just say that is my next review and it will be getting a better score.)

If you have a cell phone that can play games, check it out and see if you can get this game. It is well worth the two dollars just for the interestingly different gameplay. It is a great time waster that isn't too long. Best of all, it didn't kill my battery life.

Until I write the DOOM II RPG review, Stay Classy and Fuck you San Diego.

Regh out.