Let's face it, this had to happen sometime. Mostly because boobs are one of the greatest things ever created. Mind you I don't know who or what created them, but he, she, or it knew what they were doing. Not only did they create the awesomer-est things ever to look at, but they created the most powerful tool known to (wo)man. Some believe that boobs are actually work of the Ark of the Covenant. Others believe that they are just skin with fat in them. One individual I talked to called them "udders". Whatever you believe them to be, one thing is for sure, these things are awesome. They have the power to change history too.
|Adam just wanted|
Some of this awesome
Let's start with a story everyone knows, The Story of Adam and Eve. Based on my previous statement of everyone knowing the story, then we all know how it went. Eve ate the apple and thus got Herself and Adam banished. Well I thought about it for a long time and something just didn't make sense to me. Why would Adam get banished with Eve? Well obviously because he ate the apple too. But WHY would man do that? Because he want to impress Eve and get some more action with those awesome boobs. That is why. And you know what, It worked for him. He got laid at least four times. Probably more considering he lived like 900 plus years. I mean what would get a chick hotter than getting banished from the Garden of God himself.
Other known times of boobs changing history: Ceasar and Cleopatra, Yoko and John, Lady Godiva, Beauty and The Beast, Green Ranger becoming the White Ranger (he didn't sacrifice himself to save everyone, he did it for Kimberly's awesome Boobage), etc.
|This is what Typical Jailbait looks like.|
|This chick knows how versatile they are.|
Straight males and all females (all girls are secretly bisexual this has been proven by science) cannot help but check out boobs. It is our natural reaction when being confronted by them. Ladies, please do not take this as an insult. Instead take it as a compliment. If you do get offended by this kind of unwanted attention, please do not slap us or throw your drink in our face. One, that is a waste of a perfectly good drink. Two, we don't mean it. It is just a natural instinct. A way to solve this is by covering up a little. Another way is if the person in question discreetly checked your awesome boobs out using ancient ninja techniques. Google them.
|Epic Boob C-C-C-Combo Breaker.|
How do you prevent your significant other from checking out other boobs? Well this is easy. The reason they are looking in the first place is because they have Vitamin Boob deficiency. You can solve this by giving them the daily fifteen minutes of boob action. Rather it be video, picture, or in person. With these fifteen minutes, your significant other should fill up on on the nutrients they need thus making them not want to check out boobs. Also it helps if you wear something low cut. We like that too.
|Boobs can even make you like Soccer!|
Keeping them clean and well kept is also important. No one wants to put their mouth on a dirty boob. That's how the slut is spread. Once you get the slut, you can not get rid of the slut. So, you must clean them. If you do not feel like cleaning them but have a significant other (or someone who you will let touch your boobs), you are in luck! I have developed a technique for just this situation. So you take a shower with your other and you tell them you will give them some boob action. While they are going to town on your knockers, you put liquid soap on them. Presto, if you did this correctly, your boobs will be lathered. Rinse and you are good to go. If the other has the mind link ability that I mentioned before you are screwed. You will be sexing them up in no time, so you must be careful when deploying this strategy. Either way win/win.
You know what else is awesome about boobs? They come in any shape, size, or color that you want. Personally, I prefer enough for each hand (and white). Any more than that is pointless to me. Any less than that will make me want more. But this is all based on preference. Boobs that I may consider the "bomb", may not be to someone else. So it is a good idea to talk to your friends about what they consider proper for their boob selection. For wing man purposes. Because everyone needs a wingman once in awhile.
Overall, I have to say boobs are the greatest thing to ever be placed on this world. Followed by the internet, video games, and thai food. These things can literately do anything...or cause other people to do your crap for you. If boobs did not exist, I would not be the charismatic mother fucker that I am today. With that being said, I have to give boobs a 20 out of 10.
By the by, My girlfriend has AMAZING boobs. So awesome I wrote a haiku about them.
My Girlfriends Boobs are
Fucking phenomenal, yeah.
Need my hands on them.